Three flowers gathering on the top
You lewd man!
I know I shouldn't do this Brother
I know I shouldn't do this Sister
You Lewd man!
I'm not!
You Lewd man!
I'm not!
You Lewd man!
I'm not!
The third princess!
I don't want to know...
Sister! Listen to me!
I'm going to break up with you
Wow! That was really weird
I have to avenge brother!
I won't force you to change your mind
I'm glad the princess has a firm grasp of what is right and wrong
You bitch! Lewd woman!
You better stop slapping me.. or else!
How dare you!
This tree is big enough to be my shield
Why is it so light?
Great! Like fish in the water
Good!
That stupid boy! He's hiding being that plant
Careful! Stay alert!
Yes!
Don't cry!
Do you think I like this?
Why are you crying? Don't cry!
I don't want to be royalty anymore
Sit down here!
I'll stab you to death
How dare you do that to him, I'll choke you!
Hey Brother! May I ask...
This's none of your business
You're hurt, right? Now you know my strength
I finally avenged my brothers death!
- Wow! Chou-Po-Tong! - Is he Chou Po-Tong?
Are you Chou Po-Tong?
I'll kick you to death!
Chou Po-Tong!
Princess!
Don't come any closer!
It's between him and me. Don't get involved
I see! Wait a minute, what do they have against eachother?
I'll go take a look
Could he be that rapist?
I have to go tell the princess
Princess!
I got you now! I'm drowning you!
Brother! I miss you so much!
He must be out of his mind
He must think I'm Wang Chon-Yang
Po-Tong! I miss you, too
Let's sit down!
Princess!
Don't go!
Can I help you?
Have you seen the princess?
You pervert! How dare you mention her name?
What's the matter?
I'll kill you before you can get to her
OK! If that's the way it is. I'll show you the power of I-Yang Finger
Do you think I'm afraid of you?
You son of a bitch! How dare you use your finger?
You started this!
I'll kill you!
Go to hell!
I want to die! When can I die!
Don't waste those skills trying to kill eachother. Kill me instead!
Beggar! Get away from me!
I want to kill him!
Please stop! kill me first!
Beggar! Go away! I want to kill him!
Let me die! Kill me first!
Go away!
Please kill me!
If you won't kill me, I'll kill you
Beggar! What do you want?
I won't stop this, till one of you kills me
My true love!
Don't hurt my true love!
So you were having a lovers spat?
Don't hurt him! Are you ok?
I'm the dignified beggar's leader! I can't be killed by people like you?
Hey! Have you had enough?
True love! Please tell me that you love me! Just once!
Then I'll be able to die! Say it!
OK!
Hey that wasn't very nice what you said!
True love!
I don't like men like that!
If you keep following me like this, I can be a real jerk
True love! You ran away so fast!
I couldn't even take a breath
Why don't you want to just tell me that you love me
This is ridiculous!
We both are men. How can I fall in love with you?
True love! It's ok! You can treat me as a woman
OK! Bad idea
You can be the woman!
Ridiculous!
True love!
OK! Don't cry!
I'm so cold!
You made these clothes for me
Po-Tong. Don't you remember?
Brother! May I ask you
Have you ever fallen in love with me?
Yes! Now I realize you're my real love
Really?
We'll be a couple in our next life
I forgot! I'm already immortal!
Brother! Don't leave me!
Please come back!
What's the matter?
True love! Why are you so sad?
Don't cry! There's a saying
A woman's mind is like the needle under the sea. Makes no sense Huh?
So what! She fell for someone else. It's her loss, you're a great guy.
Besides, you have me!
Listen, a man's heart is like gold
I beg you just say "I love you"!
Just say it, ok?
You freak!
Why'd you hit me?
I was consoling you
Why does he think I'm a freak?
Chou-Po-Tong committed suicide
He's sleeping so nice
Let's go! Quit complaining
How would you like it if your mouth looked like 2 sausages?
Find me a doctor, please
Where can I find a doctor so early?
Let's have some tea first
I have no appetite
Maybe you don't, but I do
Hey! I don't want to hold hands with you!
How could he do that to me? I'll show him!
Let's get a table!
Cousin!
I'm gunna faint
Could this be fate?
He seems to still be in love with me. He'll be my first victim
This girls eye's are so beautiful
You'll be next
They're amazing!
She's so enchanting!
Why are you staring at me?
I didn't! Cousin!
Cousin? You're joking
The girl's too beautiful to be your cousin
Is it true?
She's not doing anything? Can't she see I'm giving her the eye?
Storekeeper!
Can you get me some sausages?
You have some on your face. You want some more?
Yes! To go!
I'll put it in a bag for you!
Are you still looking at her! She's so elegant
She'd never fall in love with a beggar
That's hard to say!
Did you hear that?
That's like a toad wanting to be with a swan
You calling me a toad?
Are you a nice guy?
I am!
You dare to touch my hand!
Why is she looking at me like that?
Give up?
Yes, I do!
Your friend is cute too
Yeah! You check out those great lips?
Lots of girls think I'm cute, why you gotta talk about my lips?
Maybe she'd like to kiss those big things
Sure! You can!
His mouth wasn't always like this
It swelled up after getting some poison in is mouth
I have this medicine that might take the swelling down
Really it's okay!
Is he ok?
You have to fight poison with poison! I assure you he'll be ok!
Isn't it a coincidence that we're both here for tea, too
That's what happened
How heartless of him!
Do you want me to teach him a lesson?
Why cause anymore trouble?
His fighting skill is so powerful. You couldn't beat him
Really? I don't think so!
Why hasn't he fallen for my trap yet?
You don't know how powerful I am...
Look! He's ok! You really can fight poison with poison
Now can you stand up!
Sure!
Although my mouth is still swollen. I can hear better now
So why don't you thank me for that?
Miss, please don't raise your voice! Thanks!
You should be greatful
If someone helps you, you gotta pay them back
Go and change your clothes
Then we'll go find the man that broke your heart
Lady! Please don't cry so loud!
Hey! Where did you go?
I'm fixing something here
Did you fix the crystal ball yet?
No! Can't you see I'm busy?
Damn it! I told you to fix the crystal ball
What were you doing under the table?
I was taking a crap
How did you get it out?
I spent a lot of time cooking steamed wine chicken to get it out!
I'll kill you!
I got your vital point! Don't move! Or you'll die
You fed me this centipede
Ordering me around, you think that was fun for me?
Are you hungry?
"Invincible Big Crab"
Such a big poisonous worm! What do you want?
I'll forgive you
But don't go around doing this type of stuff again
OK!
Uncle!
Let me go!
Brother! Wait!
What do you want?
You look so depressed and sad
Why don't we find a place and have a drink?
Brother! Wait!
Now wonder he wants to cancel the engagement
He's been lying to me, he secretly likes men
Let me go!
Uncle!
Don't do this! Uncle!
I have to put an end to all this
Sir! May I help you?
Any music tonight?
Music! Everyone's already at home asleep?
I said I want music!
What happened to your hand?
OK! I'll go get some for you!
Let me go!
Uncle!
Let me die!
Brother!
Master!
- Fatty! Did you avenge me? - Yes!
Really! avenge me now then!
Isn't that evil woman dead?
How do you know she's dead?
The real murderer is the person wearing boots
Did you know that? Avenge me!
What's taking so long?
Hey! Wake up!
So this boot killed my brother
Master's too powerful to be killed by that something like that!
It's not an ordinary boot
It's the greatest weapon in human history
So we have to find the owner of the boot
to avenge our brother
It's no use for me to stay here alone
I'll go to Dan-Sha Mountain
Please!
Don't leave me, princess
Will you promise me?
Promise me!
I'll think about it
Princess! You really look so beautiful
By the way. Your hair looks great, too
That's because I wanted to look nice for you today
I asked the hairstylist to do this for me
Really nice!
Actually it's because of the shampoo they used
What brand?
It's a secret
The songs over
I know
Now, can you say "I love you" to me?
That's easy. Listen, "I love....
Whats happening? Don't go!
Great! Now I can be an immortal
I'm flying away!
Up to the heavens! To be an immortal!
Why am I still here?
You have to finish saying it!
I'm still here! My true love!
Princess!
That was weird!
Why is she acting so cold?
I see
I think she's mad because I didn't tell her I loved her
I'm not mad, but could you please finish saying it?
True love! Don't run away!
This must be my imagination. Or was that guy's head floating?
Help me! Help!
Be careful! A flying head!
Wow! Never seen that before!
Take my "Hurricane Leg"
Uncle! Let me help you!
Martial dragon is out of the seas
The cuff covers my chest
He comes up through the middle
He can't get through me!
Come on! Shoot! Shoot!
He shoots!
Damn it! I missed!
He scores!
I'm so dizzy
Uncle!
Brother! I think I heard Mr. Shu's voice
Princess! Let me finish what I was saying
What do you want to say?
Now's my chance
Princess! I want to tell you something
I've been thinking about it for a long time
Princess! I love you!
Goodbye everyone!
Are you sick? How come you can't pee?
No, I just have something on my mind
Do you think she really likes me?
Do you really want me to say?
Sure! Say it!
You're so boring! No one would like you!
Hey! You wanted to hear the truth didn't you, don't hit me!
Shut up! Give me an idea
What took so long?
- You want me to commit suicide? - That's romantic
OK! Let's do it together
Together? You're the one who wants her love! Not me!
Do you want me to go then?
Are you finished?
Can't you figure out another way?
That's easy
Just take her to the forest and rape her
I can even hold her hands for you
Asshole! Don't you have a better idea?
It depends on if you're willing to learn
To win a girl's heart, it's all in the eyes
Look!
Do I look sexy?
No! You look funny!
Stop messing around, Take a closer look!
How about now?
Forget you then!
OK! I'll stop laughing!
Don't laugh!
Let's do it again!
Do I look cool?
You smell so bad I can't answer that
Screw you then!
I'm spending my time trying to help you. And all you can think about is my smell?
This is how you talk to girls! This way first, and then that way
After that, then this part
After that, then this part! And then...
And then?
And then you kiss
Don't!
Are you O Yang Fong?
She is asking you
Are you asking me if I am O Yang Fong or not?
I'm asking the one behind you
- She is asking you not me? - I'll show you a more effective way
Come on! This is the most direct way
What the hell are you doing?
I'm going to faint again!
He...
What happened?
He has something to say to you
What do you want to say?
I hate you!
Take this jerk!
You tried to kill me so you could have her!!
You just figured that out?
Remember me?
Take this!
Took me a long time, but I finally found you!
You probably thought I'd never find you
I already got your sister back, and I just gave you yours
What the hell was that? Oh god, now I can't see
I better leave before someone else beats me up
I'm outta here
Darling! You're nice to me!
Princess! Listen, I'm not your darling
Oh god! More humans!
Wang-Yo-Shu is a stinky beggar!
Although he's madly in love with the princess
The third princess is too weak
She's upset because that jerk broke up with her
Now she's out of her mind
I still haven't avenged my father's death
Otherwise, I'd marry you! Darling!
Why do you have to pretend you're happy?
Why do you have to ask when you know the answer?
Don't cry! Don't be sad!
Try on this boot
See if it fits, it'll make you feel better
I don't need to! It fits me perfectly
I'll tell you the truth! I killed your brother
Kill me!
Thanks for telling me! I'll do it for you
It'll be quick and painless
No! Don't kill my darling!
- Princess! - Your majesty!
Your Majesty? Is he here, too
The princess isn't in the best state of mind,
please just humor her
Darling! Come and see my father!
Hurry! Call on Your Majesty
My majesty!
Don't be so polite!
Take it easy! Don't be so polite
Brother!
What a coincidence! Since you're here call on your majesty
Brother! He asks us to call on Your Majesty
Kneel down!
Boundless blessings to Your Majesty
So the princess is here too
The mantis seizing the cicada, not knowing the oracle is just behind you
This time you can't get away from me
All of you stand up!
Great! I've finally avenged my brother
You're a real creep
How can you attack someone from behind?
Brother!
Are you ok?
What do you think?
That's your ex-boyfriend!
Cousin! Control yourself!
Don't yell at me in front of him. OK! I'll control myself
Shang Long eighteen fists!
Wow! that guy's crazier than me?
Sister! Do you like him?
I'll fix this
Brother!
Don't be so angry! She really likes you a lot
How do you know?
She just told me
How dare you talk to her?
Tong-Chu-Shen-Tong!
Shang Long eighteen fists!
Hu-Ho-Shun-Shin!
Da-Shen-Pi-Kwa!
Shen-Ren-Dan-Ru!
The monkey is stealing peaches
You're the Beggars' leader and you're using that cheap monkey move?
What... you're not better than me
I can use whatever moves I like!
Brother! Cousin!
Brother!
Are you ok?
Are you alright? Darling!
Weird! Why does the boot look so much like my old one?
Really?
He's scarier than us!
Maybe we can scare them to death
OK!
Are you afraid? Say! Why are you here?
Wow, monsters can talk?
I'm not a monster! I'm a bird
Hey! I'm the one asking questions here! Who are you?
I'm not a man!
Aren't you?
Did you ever see a man with such big ears and a large mouth?
What are you then? Tell us!
I'm a duck!
A duck?
I'm a clown duck! I-Ya-I-Ya-Yo!
He really is a duck!
Yeah! But I look a little bit like a human
By the way! Duckie! Why are you here on Dong Sha Mountain?
Here's the story
They forced me to help them get the book in that cave
Don't be afraid! They'll never find it
We hid it in the back of the mountain
Then I don't have to be afraid then
Well! I'll teach you one feigning tactics
Go and chase them away, ok?
I've got it! I've been looking so hard for you
Me too!
Don't run!
Don't kill my father!
Stop chasing me!
Stop! See I'll catch you
Human beings! They're hideous!
Go!
Don't kill my father!
Darling! Where are you?
A monster!
You can't run away from methis time!
I'll be unstopable after I get the nine Ding
Where did you go?
So you mean the murderer is O Yang Fong!
Are you lying to me?
Trust me!
We've found the three monsters! We can recover our land
Where's the princess?
Don't be afraid! Let me take a look at my crystal ball
Wow! Where'd you pull that big thing from?
O Yang Fong took him away
Damn! He took the "Ding", too
Weird! Why can't I see that?
Easy, I know magic. You don't
If you want to catch them take this flying carpet
You can travel one thousand miles a day with it
You have to save the princess
before O Yang Fong learns the skills of Jo-In-Jong-Jing
Let's go now!
Me too!
Queen! I haven't seen your brother for days?
Where could he be?
He's studying the top on fighting skill Jo-In-Jeng-Jin
No one is allowed to interrupt him when he's studying
Fong is going to master Jo-n-Jeng-Jin
before the Imperial Master comes back here
I'm a man combining the qualities of intelligence and bravery
I'm sure I can comprehend the subtlety of Jo-In-Jen-Jin
I heard the imperial master found many masters from Chung-Yun
Yeah! They'll never beat Fong!
My Royal Highness! An ambassador from Persia wants to meet you
Persia?
Well what are you waiting for?
The moment we talk about him, he'll come right away
The Persian Ambassador is here!
The Persian Ambassador! Aren't you going to say something to me?
Congratulations!
Imperial Master! Why do you dress like a Persian?
I was a Persian!
I shouldn't trust anything you say
This time I want to save the princess
Where do you think you are?
You come as you wish and go as you wish
Look!
Look what I got here bitch!
It hurts so much
I took 7 bottles of "Chung-Ko-Chou stomach Medicine"
There's not even a little bit of crab's meat in my stomach
I told you before not to talk with her
Will you be quiet!
Take this!
Escort Your Majesty!
Get them!
Kill!
"Ton-Ju-Shen-Kong"
Jo-Cheng-Sheng Fist!
Bitch!
Look over there!
100 points! Virgin Sword style!
I'm going to get this
I can do this!
I'm so afraid! There's so many people! Where's the duck?
Chun-Jen Sword style!
Get him! Ask him where duck is
Sister! Let me help you!
Brother! Let's use "Speak with with your eyes" sword style
OK!
Why are you so intimate?
Go to hell!
Finger snap!
Da-Cheng-Ro-Chei!
Chi-Jon-Bu-Bi!
Da-In-Ro-Chon!
Chi-Jon-Wu-Chun!
Where's the duck?
- Brother! - Sister!
Your were great!
You too!
What's the matter with you!
I'm your boyfriend now!
All dead!
And me!
So fast! One more!
You have to die!
Don't worry! I'll help you find her!
So many people died! it must be fate
I found the third princess!
Here she is!
They tried to fool us!
The Princess!
You're here! Imperial Master this is great!
Thanks!
She's in a coma. What should we do?
She was poisoned by the Queen
We can ask the queen to give us the antidote
Or we can just kill her
They want to kill me! No way!
Fong!
Here I come!
I'll let you live if you give it to me
Fong! I adore you!
If you're smart, you'll let the princess go
Otherwise, I'll kill your lover
Go ahead!
I want to marry the princess now
Go ahead , kill her
I can't believe you! You...
I should have known you're a liar
But I also prepared for this. Do you want to marry the princess?
I fed her "Taiwan's Rotten banana"! If you can neutralize the poison,
you can marry her
How can you be so cruel?
Give me the antidote
Medicine? Taiwan's rotten banana is stronger than what you had
Only the tear of a true lover can save her
He's the man who killed your brother
So that's you! I'll avenge my brother
I'll show you the power of Jo-In-Jeng-Jin
How can this be possible?
I'll teach you a lesson!
You came at the right time
I never imagined you were this good
Martial dragon is in the field
"Jo-In White Bone" plus "Toad Sheng-Kong"!
"Fat dragon in the sky!
"Toad sucking disk hand"
Cousin! Are you ok?
"Nine fingers interlocked ring Sheng Kong"!
Inhale!
Brother!
What's wrong?
Since he's so powerful, we should work together to beat him
I'll use my "Jo-Chun Fist" and "three flowers gathering on the top"
"Shan-Long-Eighteen Fist"!
"Dried Firewood Strong fire Fist"!
"Snapping fingers"!
Try my "Jo-In-White Bone paw"
Delicate touch upon the water surface
Attacking the vital point in the sky!
Mr. Wang, how dare you fight with me?
Now you're dead. No one can save you
The immortals descending to earth
It's Chi-Kon!
No! That's Mr. Dwan!
Who are you? You look like you're wearing a red envelope?
Do you think you're Chi-Kon?
Who are you? I've never seen you before
How dare you make such insulting remarks?
What kind of monster are you?
Have you ever seen such a big red envelope?
I told you I am an immortal!
Mr. Wang! If you wouldnt've said "I love you" to me
I wouldn't be what I am today
So if you have any problems,
I'll solve them all for you
He killed the Princess! Help me kill him to avenge her
Brother! I don't think so!
The first thing I do after descending from heaven is to kill someone??
I'm an immortal, not a professional killer
Even an immortal can die!
Why do you have to but in? Boundless Mercy Palm
Jo-In White Bone paw!
Sorry! Sorry!
I didn't know "Boundless Mercy Paw" was so powerful
Sir. Please stand up!
The monkey's stealing peaches
The immortal's picking grapes!
Didn't I tell you I'm an immortal?
If I have peaches then there'll be lots of little immortals
I'm sick of your mouth!
Fly!
Stop punching! You broke everything
Attack!
Mean person!
Attack!
Anti-attack!
So here you are!
Good! Give me that!
Brother! Here I am!
Why can't I see you?
What happened?
Where are you?
Here!
Do you have the guts to fight me?
Jo-In White Bone Paw!
It's over! You just killed a person!
You'll go to hell for that
Jo-In White Bone Paw!
You killed three more people! We had a deal not to kill anyone
I don't care! I'll do whatever I like
To save all beings!
I killed someone, too! What should I do?
Mr. Dwan! Those people you killed are all bad guys
Jade Emperor will forgive you
Mr. Dwan! Kill him now!
Can an immortal kill people?
If you don't go to hell, who will?
You're the bad guy!
I'll teach you a lesson if you dare say that again
Teach me a lesson? I'm the teacher here!!
The ninth style of "Jo-In-Jeng Pa" Wang-Fo-Chau-Jon
Wait a second?
That belongs to "Ru-Lai Palm"
I just enjoy using that
Do you think you can use whatever you like?
OK! See my fighting skill
Thunder split Scissors! Win by your draw, Slam, making two pairs
Accelerate!
Wan Fo Jau Jon!
Quit making stuff up!
Red chung! One tile of circle! No three sets! No four lines
This was fun! Wanna play again!
Banana plus Guava!
Don't say dirty words during Chinese New Year
Let me say some good luck greetings to you
Congratulation and be prosperous! Blossoms and a good fortune
Achieving things as you wish every year! Unexcelled luck and great prosperity
Be Peaceful every year! The older the stronger
You want some more? I'll give you a big one
East achievement west complement
The duck is here!
What's wrong?
They were fighting! But now they are offering New Year's greetings
Congratulations and be prosperous
Thanks!
Unexcelled luck and great prosperity
This is ridiculous!
Have a lotus nut! Have a lotus seed
I hope you have a baby soon!
Thanks!
Don't you worry! He's gone now!
Brother! That Indian won't make any trouble again
I'm just paying you back for everything
Thanks!
Hey! faggot!
I mean you!
I have these Han Ko pills. Take them and you can save Chen-Jen-Sun-Tsu
How come you only gave me 2?
I'm rich now! How do you think I got that way?
By giving things away?
Mix it with water! And cut it into 3 parts for them
That's it
The princess is still in a a coma! Shall I give her one?
If she dies, what will we do?
The movie is almost over. Of course I'll help you wake her up
Where is it!
Here it is! Swallow this pill
She'll wake up once you take it!
How can I swallow this?
That's huge? that'll hurt coming out the other end!
Remember! Call me for tea sometime
See you next time, everybody
You're so bad!
Where's Uncle?
He's not dead! What the hell?!
Fong!
Mamma! Papa! Let's go home!
When I see happy couples, it makes me think of my true love
Brother!
Brother! I miss you so much
Po-Tong! We're from different worlds
And we are both men
We could never be together
I know!
If you know that, why are your trying to hold my hand?
You can let go whenever you want
Subs ripped by Kisho Grammar/Phrasing fixes by CHiU